1000 ways to die in Vanuatu

Medical training in the Peace Corps is the worst kind of lesson for hypochondriacs. That small rash could be much more than a small rash. Stomach pains can be the sign of a liver disease.

We’re trained to learn what requires a call to the doctor, what is self-treatable, and what is considered a medical emergency. We receive a medical book and a full medical kit, and we have sessions learning the ways to treat everything from small cuts to yeast infections to eye stabbings. We’re living in the bush, after all, and we don’t have immediate access to medical care.

There are so many things that you learn about that you didn’t even think would become an issue. A lot of these fall under “the new normal,” but some of these fall under “omg please don’t let this happen to me.”

Here is a list that will make you all worry.

At one of our training sessions, one current volunteer introduced himself and the island he’s stationed on, as well as the fact that yes, he has gotten both Malaria AND Dengue.

Malaria isn’t a huge issue here, but we do take our precautions (last known death from Malaria was 2011...it was one person). At the beginning we were all issued packs of mosquito coils and a mosquito net for our beds. PC requires our houses to have screens on the windows. About every other week, our training session is accompanied by a giveaway of bottles of bug spray.

We are all issued one of three Malaria medications, but each has its own side effects. Would you like diarrhea, photosensitivity (raging sunburn) or vivid dreams (read: terrifying dreams, or sleepwalking or hallucinating while awake)?

While at the Holiday Inn during the cyclone, two trainees caught pink eye. A third surfaced once we returned to our training villages. Since then, however, it’s been eliminated.

Let’s talk about millepods, the most feared of any creature we know here in Vanuatu. They are big and long and creepy-looking, and if they bite you, you will swell up for a week. A trainee got bit in his training village before the cyclone, then spent the last couple days in the Holiday Inn on bed rest because it was his foot that was bitten, and he couldn’t walk.

Rumor has spread that millepods like food/smells, so you better wash your face/mouth/hands before bed or they’ll be attracted to you.

Eve went to bed the other night, inside her mosquito net, and a millepod landed on her face. She screamed. She did not get bitten.

As flying foxes (a type of bat) flew above us in extraordinary numbers while swimming through a dark cave, I kept thinking to myself how Santiago (who knows everything) said that rabies doesn’t exist in Vanuatu. Rabies doesn’t exist, rabies doesn’t exist, rabies doesn’t exist…

Nil kras a small, non-poisonous plant that grows among the grass here. It’s fascinating because if you touch it with your shoe, it shrivels up as if it were dying. If you touch your bare skin to it, it scratches you.

Male trainees played capture the flag shirtless in the rain, and fell on the ground, sliding along nil kras. When they stood up, it looked like a cat used their back as a scratching post.

Nankalat is the only poisonous leaf found in the Efate area. It’s a tree that sometimes sprouts in the bush like a weed. While hiking to the cave, Devon’s host papa cut it with a bush knife, then picked it up with his bare hands. I asked why he’d do that if it was poisonous. “It only gives you a rash on the outside skin, not your palms or soles of your feet.” Interesting.

One volunteer has died in Vanuatu, in a freak accident when a tree he was cutting fell on top of him.

One trainee has found out the hard way that he is allergic to kava. He didn’t learn after the rash breakout from kava chews, or the rash from the first cup, or the rash from the second cup. It was the third cup when he was vomiting on the side of the road that he finally realized.

Any trainee with long hair has given into the possibility of lice, as the children like playing with our hair. Some of us have stocked up on lice shampoo and nit combs in Vila.

Bed bugs. Just…bed bugs.

A former volunteer was medically evacuated to Australia because of abdominal pain. When she went to the hospital, she discovered she had a popped ovarian cyst and 700 ml of blood in her body, and was one day away from death. She was treated in time and was fine.

After our doctor explained the above scenario, one trainee asked, “well, what if get appendicitis in the middle of a tropical cyclone and can’t get medically evacuated…is there anyone here who could try their hand at it?” The answer was yes.

While gardening in the rain, some people cut themselves accidentally with their bush knives. Someone’s host papa used American Leaf, so called due to its growth post-US occupation in WWII, by rubbing it between his hands to make a green juice, then dripping it on the cut to stop the bleeding.

There is some crazy disease you get by eating fish that affects your nervous system. It makes hot things feel cold and cold things feel hot, among other symptoms. It’s fully treatable, and one volunteer has already had it. How to avoid it? It has nothing to do with how you cook the fish or what kind of fish. You can’t tell if a fish is affected by its appearance or taste. It occurs in larger fish over small ones…so I guess, just don’t eat large fish?

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